Saturday, February 2, 2013

NOLA Manners for Tourists

It’s that time again. Mardi Gras. And in addition to that, our leaders in their wisdom have gotten us the honor of hosting the Super Bowl right smack in the middle of all that.

This has resulted in a disconcerting number of tourists dropping down into our city like a plague of locusts.

I would like to offer a few suggestions to you, dear visitor, to make your stay in the Big Easy as pleasant for us locals as it certainly will be for you.
  1. Don’t change your baby’s diaper in the middle of a sidewalk. It will create a bottleneck. And some creepy person will surely stare at your baby’s naked bottom. You don’t really want that, do you?
  2. Speaking of sidewalks, they are meant to be walked upon. Don’t stop suddenly and stare at the top of a building across the street. Someone is sure as hell going to rear-end you.
  3. Always remember, a recessed gateway in the French Quarter will not shield you from the sight of passersby, nor will it hide from them the fact that you are taking a piss.
  4. I have come to regret the fact that I have spent a lifetime deferring to other people’s right of way, and your mama never taught you to do the same.
  5. It is rude (if not downright criminal battery) to push a little old fat person out of your way so you can get to the sterling silver jewelry counter at the flea market(!). You never can tell. That little old fat person might be a blogger who will rush to his computer and tell the whole world what a crass asshat you are.
Got that?

Good. Now carry on and enjoy your stay.


8 comments:

  1. Oh, how I feel for you and all of the other locals having to put up with this crap.

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  2. Glenn, they must drive you crazy! They drove me crazy and I was only down there for 4 hours.

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  3. They drive me further back and deeper and deeper into my man cave where I sit and brood—and hatch plots.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Horrifying. Keep hatching plots. They deserve them, I'm certain.
    xo

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  5. Ach, you wouldn't believe! And I do. And I will.

    ReplyDelete

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