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Thursday, December 27, 2012
Lately, I’ve been drifting off to old episodes of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. And every time I do, I’ve been having vivid dreams involving Goren and Eames. They don’t start off as pleasant dreams. I’m always a prime suspect in some complicated murder plot. The two detectives finally work me into an interrogation room, and before you know it, Goren is doing that sideways bend of his, getting his eyes to my level as I sit plaintively in a low chair while Eames is sitting catty-corner from me with that mean, judgmental look she gets in her eyes. Then something happens, maybe I say something, and Goren immediately knows I’m innocent. Because Goren always knows. He knows everything. He even knows Chinese, for chrissake.
Next thing, they’re touching me, holding me ... I won’t go into what happens next, but, oh, they are so tender to me now that they realize I am not the villainous mastermind of this week’s episode. That reprobate will get his due by the close of the episode, but mine is the happy ending.
I’m sorry, Benson and Stabler. You made me feel dirty in my dreams, and I liked it at the time; but, lately, Bobby Goren just plumbs my depths.