Saturday, September 29, 2012

Padding the Numbers

In my ceaseless efforts to reach out to more and more potential readers of this humble blog, I have occasionally turned to the Google for help in determining what it is that people want to read about. For this reason, I have decided to mention some of the things about which you, dear reader, are dying to know more.
  1. The Ryder Cup. Why? What for? There really is no rhyme or reason for the tastes of the multitude. I myself have never given a thought to the fact that jockeys wear cups while hustling those thoroughbreds around a track and toward a photo-finishline. But it makes sense. I mean, it makes sense that they would wear cups. You people wanting to know more about those cups is kind of icky, though. But there you have it: the Ryder Cup!
  2. Miley Cyrus. Eeeewwww....
  3. Looper. Now this one I know something about. Looper is a movie that I hear was recently filmed in New Orleans. I say I hear it was filmed in New Orelans because in my wanderings over the last few months, I have never turned a corner and found myself being escorted "off set" of this film, meaning "out of my own neighborhood." It stars Bruce Willis (who really ought to be buying property here by now like Brad Pitt did) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, sporting a pair of new and loopy eyebrows, hence the moniker of the movie. Oh, and just because they say the movie was filmed in New Orleans, that doesn't mean they filmed it here. It could have been filmed anywhere in South Louisiana. People not indigenous to the city are often unaware of that fact. Now you know. You're welcome.
  4. Hotel Transylvania. Another movie. These people have never said their movie was made in New Orleans. I'll give them credit for that. It seems to have been made on a tabletop.
  5. The Fox News Suicide Video. Why am I not surpised? This is just sad and offensive and degrading. You people are sick.
That's the list, current as of yesterday. But there is one more trend-setter I would like to mention. And that is the young lady whose name—and face, shall we say—have always given this little corner of the Blogosphere, nay, the whole of the Internets, a lift.

Ladies and Gentlemen, and all you twisted little kids who came here looking for Hotel Transylvania, I give you Miss Carmen Electra!

The mere hint of her beauty has never failed to draw attention and readers to Bigezbear. And for that, Miss Electra, I am eternally grateful.

Next time you're in town, sweetheart, we'll do lunch.

Yeah, yeah, I'll pay.

Where? Oh, hell, no! I was thinking more like Angeli on Decatur or Fiorella's. You'll like the food there, I guarONtee.

It'll fill you up.

And you'll thank me when we're done ;-)


  1. Fiorella's!

    It's always odd what folks are googling. Want more readers? I think that happens when you comment on people's blogs. Then folks get to know you and start to think of you as a friend and start to come knocking on your door. And the folks who visit those folks blogs start to think of you as a member of the community and then they come knocking on your door too. In hindsight, this is how it worked for me. But only comment on blogs you're really interested in following. It can't be faked. xo
    (Hope that doesn't sound presumptuous on my part, as if I think I'm an expert. I'm not.)

  2. You could never be presumptuous ;-) This is all a gag, realy. I noticed this morning that someone had visited after Googling a part of Carmen Electra's anatomy (that I would never blog about, ahem). It all came about when I wrote about her being in New Orleans years ago and filming a Mardi Gras parade in front of my apartment building. That one post has led to countless hits. Every now and again, I'll mention her name and then sit back and watch the "hillbillies come out to check their traps," so to speak. It never fails.

  3. Now I really feel silly! Oh well. Thanks for your forebearance.

    For me it's Bob Marley. They always flock to him.

  4. Well now I really feel silly! Oh well. Thank you for your forbearance.

    For me, it's always Bob Marley that brings them to the yard.

  5. I am not previously acquainted with the obviously talented Miss Electra, so thank you, although I'm more of a leg and thigh man (dark, spicy, dirty rice, thanks). I may be the last living man to use the word "gams" in casual conversation. Then there's the association of bodacious tatas with the age when many of us found them most attractive our early teens, which means they are are symbol of when women (or should I says girls) were frightening and intimidating and desirable all at the same time. Frankly, they make me nervous.

    The Ryder Cup is easily explained: golf is a sport essential to the functioning of modern business requiring a modicum or more of physical coordination but with no physical danger excepting perhaps one too many at the 19th hole. Remember, bowling was once the top rated television sport in this country behind baseball and football. These people have now moved on to poker, which has the advantage of requiring to expenditure of calories and, unlike most bowling allies, you can still smoke.

  6. Gosh, Mark, you make liking women (that way) sound awfully complicated.

    As for the Ryder Cup...that's GOLF?! Golfer's wear cups, too? That's ridiculous. If you can't handle a club, then stay out of the roughs.


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