Thursday, January 5, 2012

Fails


Who was the person paid to decorate this doctor's examining room?

A topless skull and an illustrated textbook called Cutaneous Malignancy of the Head and Neck are not conducive to a feeling of well-being in the patient.

Fail.

* * *

So you think you're funny, and you've decided to write a humor blog.

You've already failed.

Twice.

* * *

Ted Haggard and Gary Busey swapping "wives" on television is neither newsworthy nor entertaining. It's gross. Like opening a door and catching your parents making out or watching the carnival side-show geek bite the head off a chicken.

Why would you even advertise any of that?

Fail.

* * *

Why did the news media treat the Iowa Caucus like it was, well, news? The only news there was whose faces it managed to wipe off the five-thirty newscasts.

Okay, partial fail.

* * *

Speaking of the news media, just who are they, anyway? Who are these people who decide what is or isn't news?

You look skeptical.

I have two words for you: Donald Trump.

In whose world does this man matter?

Fail, fail, fail.

* * *

Why are so many of your social network "friends" people you either don't know or wouldn't want to know or wouldn't want to be known to know in the real world?

And why do the most boring people post the most?

Fail.

* * *

Why are all crime victims attractive blond females?

And why hasn't this revelation caused a spike in the sale of darker hair coloring?

Fail.

* * *

Continuing along this vein of crime and victimology, if New Orleans crime victims are all criminals themselves, what does that say about the cop who recently got knifed by that twelve-year-old girl?

Big-time fail.

13 comments:

  1. Gary Busey has a "wife"? That's more frightening that the doctor's office!

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  2. I think - legally - she might better be termed a "girlfriend." Of course, she might just have been a starry-eyed volunteer, hoping for exposure.

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  3. She might well be one of the aliens he was looking for in the woods when Margart Cho found him wandering through the wilderness.  That would make more sense.

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  4. Margart Cho found him wandering through the wilderness? Why did she bring him back?

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  5. Oh yes...  She had a 'reality' show for a minute and she and her midget and her gay were 'camping' and stumbled across him in the woods somewhere babbling about the mothership.  (And no, I have not dropped acid.  It was a real show.)

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  6. http://www.vh1.com/shows/the_cho_show/episode.jhtml?episodeID=138884

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  7. ahahahahaha!!  these are hilarious, thank you.

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  8. I've been a total stinker at commenting lately, but I've been reading every post (usually more than once :>) and loving hearing from you. It's just that commenting requires me to move my arm out from under the covers, and that effort feels like too much some days. I love your "voice" Glenny. Keep it coming.

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  9. Aw, c'mon tell me you're okay. So many of us lately seem to be caught in currents that pull us forward and back and down and up. I'm bobbing along myself right now, unsure if I want to go on with making theatre and pictures, wondering if I should just sit down and wait to grow older than I already am and fade away.

    But then again ...

    I'm upstairs on my computer right now watching Midnight in Paris while the Saints are playing the 49ers (I can't watch these things all the way through - I get too nervous). So instead of pounding my chest, I'm sniffling like a thirteen-year-old girl who reads Emily Dickinson at the site of Owen Wilson traveling through time in Paris.

    You know what that's like? It's just like living in New Orleans where the past is here and now, and the present shimmers like a mirage, fragile and permeable ...

    But then again ...

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  10. Well, I'm ok. I promise. It's a rough patch and I'm getting through it. But I'm not at all pleased to hear you contemplating giving up on theater and pictures. So I'm going to believe that you're in a rough patch and getting through it, too. Am I close?

    And I am a notoriously picky movie critic, but I really enjoyed Midnight in Paris. There was a lot of beauty in that movie. And it sounds like I would like NO, too, doesn't it?

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  11. Yes to everything. Yes, yes, yes. Yes is a good word, no?

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