A former friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) has slapped a sequence of photographs up on the web which he purports to be pictures of me.
They are not.
I don't know where he dug up the Falstaffian sot he shamelessly tries to pass of as me, but I am quite certain that once he was through with the old soul, he promptly tossed him back into the gutter where he found him like some damp cigarette butt.
The man must be stopped.
Promise me you will not wander off to his website and peruse these godawful images.
I repeat, these are not facsimiles of my likeness. They are, rather, attempts at visual assassination. This is what I really look like: