Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Life Is What You Live

There comes a time in every thinking person's life when he realizes that he's pissed that life away; that whatever youthful dreams he might have had were all just that, fantasies; that all that will remain in store for him are empty rooms, abandonment, and, at the last, some damp, weighty soil to offer him its cold embrace.

I don't mean to bring you down. Neither am I flinging flags or flairs, expecting intervention. Maybe all I'm doing is adding a little shade to this portrait that I'm painting on these insubstantial pages here.

I try to seldom write about these darker feelings that come over me. A man is not supposed to talk like this. But I'm in the process of fitting these pieces into the jigsaw of my life, trying to put them in their proper place alongside all the other things. So why not lay them out?

A doctor once encouraged me to read Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled, and I did. I would have argued with the author then that life was not at all that difficult; but I was living on Prozac at the time, and I had no feelings of my own. My brain was otherwise engaged doing a mindless jitterbug.

I've long since weaned myself from happy pills, and, boy, do I have feelings now. Still, I wouldn't say that life is difficult.

Life is tragic.

What do you do? You get up out of bed each morning and follow the rituals you've set up to carry you through the day until night and sleep arrive again. If you take the time to stop and think, you try to find some sense in it. You reach with baby hands to grab and hold onto any faith and hope you can, but your touch only meets with empty air.

And you just keep going.

5 comments:

  1. Life can be tragic. But with darkness there are small shafts of lightness. During these trying times, we have to keep our "eyes open" for those minute specks of light. Embrace them, hold on to them tightly and keep going forward. Please remember that you are not alone and that there are people out in this virtual world that understand and will listen.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I appreciate this so much, Glenny. I'm sincerely sorry, and concerned, that you're feeling this way. I have been really struggling with the shit sandwich that life is, and honestly, I feel a lot of relief when I read something like this. I appreciate that it's genuine, and I'm glad I'm not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And I need to get laid, too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sweetheart, I'm fine. The (slight) danger point was before I had accumulated what it took to write about it. Activity = health.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL! Just sprayed the coffee. Need to daub my monitor.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...