Aggravation Anxiety April Fool Bitchiness Bobby BP Burning in Hell Bush Calme au Blanc Catholic Church Charlotte Cushman Cobalt Blue Confusion Crime Daily Life Dangling Conversations Deep Thoughts Depravity Depression Divertissement Embarrassing Moments Family Friends Frozen Fun Gay Gertrude Stein and a Companion Glass Menagerie Good Things Government Gustav Hate Holidays Hope Hugging the Shoulder Humid City Humor Hurricanes Internets Jesus Justice Katrina Latrine Life in the Quarter Louisiana Mardi Gras Mark Rylance Movie Stars Music Nagin New Orleans News Nighthawks NOLA Partee Obits Our-Leaders-in-Their-Wisdom Outlaw City Personal Photography Pity Post Politics R I P Religion Retirement Righteous Shit Sadness Saints Search-Engine Crap Sex Sick Humor Silly Stuff Southern Decadence Striking Words Stupid Shit Take Me Out Tattoos Tennessee Williams The End The Human Comedy Theatre Thinking Blogger Award Thrill Me Treme Valhalla War Weekly Photo Challenge Weird Shit
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thank God for Surgically-Enhanced Favors
Go ahead, scroll down to the bottom of the page. See that little "Sitemeter" doohickey? Well, I can click on that and find out who's been visiting my website and why, where they're coming from and what they're looking for.
Sometimes when I do click on it, though, it makes me sad.
"Sad?" you say. "But look at all the hits you've got."
That's true. 94,564 at this moment and counting. But you know what? If it hadn't been for that time in June of 2008, when I typed those fateful words, "Carmen Electra", my count would be in the lower three-digits. It seems not many people are enchanted by my wit, moved by my lonely nights of heartbreak, or mobilized by my frequent Jeremiads against social injustice.
No, it's all about the bazooms.
Learn a lesson from this, young bloggers or tumblrs or twitterers or face-eating boogers or whatever the fuck you are these days. If you want to increase your traffic, don't be going to those websites that guarantee increases incremental to the amount of money you can drop on them, don't be adding all kinds of code to your HTML. Just type those words, "Carmen Electra", in a post, any post, and lay back and wait. Even better if you post a picture. You'll see.
The little lady will come through for you. Satisfaction guaranteed.