Sunday, November 21, 2010

Thank God for Surgically-Enhanced Favors

You may not know this about me, dear reader - although both my friends do - but I'm what's called in the trade a "stat whore". Yeah. I'm not ashamed. Something in me just loves peeking through that back door. I like to know what's going on behind the curtain. 'S how I roll.

Go ahead, scroll down to the bottom of the page. See that little "Sitemeter" doohickey? Well, I can click on that and find out who's been visiting my website and why, where they're coming from and what they're looking for.

Sometimes when I do click on it, though, it makes me sad.

"Sad?" you say. "But look at all the hits you've got."

That's true. 94,564 at this moment and counting. But you know what? If it hadn't been for that time in June of 2008, when I typed those fateful words, "Carmen Electra", my count would be in the lower three-digits. It seems not many people are enchanted by my wit, moved by my lonely nights of heartbreak, or mobilized by my frequent Jeremiads against social injustice.

No, it's all about the bazooms.

Learn a lesson from this, young bloggers or tumblrs or twitterers or face-eating boogers or whatever the fuck you are these days. If you want to increase your traffic, don't be going to those websites that guarantee increases incremental to the amount of money you can drop on them, don't be adding all kinds of code to your HTML. Just type those words, "Carmen Electra", in a post, any post, and lay back and wait. Even better if you post a picture. You'll see.

The little lady will come through for you. Satisfaction guaranteed.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...