Thursday, February 4, 2010

Updating My Status

I have been battling the worst chest cold ever smitten on man by God. I feel like shit and cannot cough up enough of the congestion to begin to rid myself of this bug. At the same time, my computer starts acting all weird, like the mouse is growing independent of my hand and fingers and making decisions about where it wants to go and how it wants to scroll. I hope it's only the mouse and not the PC itself. I can afford a new mouse.

Needless to say, I've been spending a lot of time here trying to get these pieces of machinery to behave with the proper deference and respect. While I'm banging the mouse against the nearest wall every couple of minutes, I start getting these messages from Facebook, friend requests, they call them.

Did I tell you I joined Facebook? Yeah, some time ago, I don't remember why or when, and I've actually un-joined a time or two, but they never delete you, so I found myself slipping back in each time.

It was bad enough when people from the high school I graduated from found me and started friending me, but then my brother found me and invited me to link up with him. At least, it was my cool brother, who knows everything about me and still thinks I'm okay. If it had been my other brother, the Baptist, I'd have had some serious cleaning up to do. I wouldn't want him to stroke out by seeing the avatars of some of the friends I already have or by reading some of the shit they write to me or, hell, by reading some of the shit I write to them. But with my cool brother, I figured it would be okay.

I didn't reckon on the friends of his who would want to friend me in turn. For instance, I just got a request with a note that read,
"Did't you teach me in high school? I'm friends of both of your brothers and we to HS with their childrens.".
I looked at the picture accompanying the request, but the dear lady smiling out at me did not appear to resemble any child I may have taught in those dark, distant days of yore. I still don't know how to respond .. if, in fact, I should respond. I already made the faux pas of posting a link on Facebook to an interview with the Saints' Scott Fujita in which he supported gay rights and marriages and things like that. That posting prompted a concerned message from an old high school classmate, telling me I may have made a choice in life that Jesus wouldn't have approved of, but I must never forget he still loves me. I never posted anything like that again.

But then I received a friend request from my cool brother's grandson, my godchild. God, what do I do? I've been a lousy godfather to the kid, never really did anything for him, but he was always so glad to see me when I made trips back home, eager for affection, great big eyes always looking up in supplication, "Love me. Love me."

How could I reveal so much of myself to this little tyke without destroying some part of his spirit? But how could I not let him in either? There was always the presence of my cool brother back home who, if the worst would happen, could always take the kid under his wing and explain to him that his parrain was not really a bad man, just a regular guy who might have made some poor choices, but still deserved a little love since he was, you know, family, after all.

I visited my godson's Facebook page and my eyes fell on the most recent comment left there by a friend of his:
hey cunt nugget. where the fuck you been??
Violin strings began to shimmer and vibrate in my mind as a voice sang out, "Where is the little boy at play ... ?"

What could I do? I friended him, of course. Ya gotta love a cunt nugget.


  1. I'm sorry you're so sick! I hope you're feeling better soon.

    Thanks for "cunt nugget." I can't wait to use it.

  2. I hope you are better today!

    Your texts have this quality of approaching painful or sensitive issues with humor, good taste and elegance. Even "cunt nugget" is not displaced here! How do you do that?

    Btw: My English vocabulary have been improving a lot lately - thank you ;-)

  3. @LSL: I'm dying to use "cunt nugget", too (although I hate to use the word "use" with it); but I worry about gender-equality issues, the proper definition of the word "nugget", the person to whom one might safely address it - things like that.

    @Claudia: The congestion in my chest is "just" beginning to break up, so I'll probably survive this bout with the killer cold. Thank you for enjoying my writing. I try to do everything you find in it. As for your English improving, well, after reading my stuff and Kyklops', you've got be picking up on the vernacular - just be careful of the company in which you repeat some of these things ;-)


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