You might not know this, but I'm a stat whore, a flagrant, voracious stat whore. I spend most of my online time perusing my daily list of visitors. I enjoy it, seeing what cities and countries you're coming from, your service providers, the lengths of your visits, how you found me, the browsers you use ... even your ip addresses, especially your ip addresses.
I know who you are, and I keep all your data on spreadsheets.
Don't worry, I would never misuse the information I have nor abuse your trust.
I'm only curious about a trend I've been noticing.
On weekdays, Mondays through Fridays, I have a steady-flowing stream of visitors plashing in and dashing out. But on Saturdays and Sundays, it's as though some bitter beaver had erected a dam right up there before the final bend in this little rivulet whose currents would swirl you here to me.
What's up with that? What happens to you on weekends?
Are you sleeping late and having breakfast in bed? Are you doing laundry? Playing T-ball with the kids? Shopping? Copulating like rodents? What?
All of a sudden you've got no time to call or write?
If I were selling appliances here I'd be worried.
I think I know, though. You're reading me from work, aren't you? Uh-huh, as soon as the boss has checked in on you and left to make the rest of his rounds, you swoop that cursor up to your bookmarks and open me like a titty mag.
That ain't properly right, you know. Some would call it stealing - time and pay - yeah, employment theft.
Now, I'm not telling you this to scare you or anything. Like I said before, I wouldn't use the data I've amassed to inflict harm on anyone.
But a little visit on a Saturday or on a lazy Sunday morning would be nice. A quick hello to see how I'm doing. Nothing more.
Wouldn't that be nice? It would.
See you soon.
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