Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Breaking News

This just in:
NEWARK, Ohio (AP) - Authorities in Ohio say a man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool.

Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower.

Twenty-eight-year-old Kile Wygle was hospitalized for minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph.

Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial.

A motorized bar stool? A motorized bar stool!? There is such a thing as a motorized bar stool!!? I have to say I want one of those. No, I need one of those. Man, chicks will click over a motorized bar stool!

But ... how does it run if its engine is deconstructed? Was, like, everybody drunk and just imagined it crashed? Or were they so drunk they just imagined it was motorized? I mean, people fall off bar stools all the time. Is this just a planted lead-up to a new light beer commercial?

My head is getting tired.

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