Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A Sign of the Times

A new boutique just opened across the street from me, a boutique for the post-Apololypctic, survivalist set. It's really cool.

I spent a little time in there yesterday, checking out the goods. They really seem to have everything we'll need to deal with the next hurricane, not to mention dealing with the potential disturbances on the street one might expect to encounter at any time of the day or night.

For instance, during my short time there, I saw packets of Mylar blankets, little vials of some kind of chemical you can drop into standing flood water (or your urine) to purify it for drinking, collapsible water jugs you can carry in your back pocket while searching for some of that standing water (or to collect your urine). They also have plastic ponchos to drop over your head during heavy rains. Lots of lip balm, and coils you can burn to kill mosquitoes.

Their streetwear collection is something to behold: Lots of cammo, of course, but also every imaginable kind and size of knife, from the oversized Bowie to a tiny penknife which is actually disguised to look like a pen. They've got your basic stun guns and tasers. They sell a little cat-face thingy whose eyes you can put your two fingers through so you can swing them and punch the sharpened metal ears into somebody else's eyes.

They have a selection of police batons in different sizes. Soon they expect an order of elctricized batons so that you can not only knock some little motherfuker's knee joints out of place but gleefully watch him drop to the ground, writhing in convulsions as his gun goes flying into the street.

None of this is illegal in New Orleans to own or to carry, the helpful wait-staff informed me, as long as you carry it visibly upon your person. They also have a policy of refusing to provide service to anyone they deem unsuitable to possess these items.

Me? I want one of everything!

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